If you’re in a leadership role, congratulations. You’ve obviously worked hard to develop your presence as a leader and your efforts are paying off. For those who are struggling to reach that level of success, we’d like to offer some thoughts on executive presence and how it can be affected by your attachment style.

For more on attachment style and leadership, check out this post: Coaching Leadership Style – Understanding Your Attachment Style.

Why is it so difficult to put the theory into practice when it comes to executive presence, particularly for women leaders? Have you thought that might be some strong patterns at play when it comes to the executive presence?

Women as Leaders

Although the conventional perception of the role of women in business is changing, it remains strongly rooted in the subconscious thoughts of many. Conventional wisdom also holds that women are more “in touch” with their feelings and, while this is an admission of the tendency toward greater emotional intelligence in women, it can also be perceived as a weakness; that they are “too emotional”.

The latest research does not support the gender differences in the levels of emotional intelligence in women vs. men (see the study, Does Emotional Intelligence Depend on Gender?). Yet, different EQ profiles in both genders have different sets of challenges when it comes to executive presence.

And yet, people who are intuitive, relationship oriented, and possess a great degree of empathy have many strengths as leaders and can create encouraging and supportive work environments.

However, if you gravitate toward the insecure attachment style, you can struggle with lack of positive self-regard. This, in turn, leads to lack of confidence, especially during difficult conversations. In addition to that, you may be very sensitive to criticism, and can easily become overwhelmed when their difficult emotions are triggered.

While much of this takes place on a deeply unconscious level, for these reasons and more, many females in leadership roles find executive presence for women elusive.

There are three ways to address insecure attachment tendencies: Building confidence, speaking in your own voice, and your physical presence.

Coaching Executive Presence for Women

According to an article at Forbes.com, while women are making their way into executive leadership positions at a greater pace than ever before, that pace continues to match that of  garden snail. Women “currently hold 5.2% of CEO positions at S&P 500 companies and only 26.5% of executive and senior level positions are regularly highlighted”.

However, despite such deeply ingrained resistance to accepting women in business leadership roles, there is good news. The increasing availability of coaching executive presence for women offers great potential for increasing the pace of acceptance, at all levels in business.

According to the article, the latest research shows women need three important ingredients to increase executive presence:

Building Confidence – Confidence is the underlying issue permeating all of leadership presence. So, what do you do about it?

• Become more aware of how it gets in your way and how other people see you. Self-awareness is fundamental. Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback on how you come across at work. Get a pulse for how you are being received by others.
• Establish check-ins on what you’re feeling and thinking. Become aware of that nasty inner critic that cripples confidence with, “I messed up again!” Reframe those interpretations to more positive ones: “That was a great learning experience.” Put that inner critic to bed.
• Build your confidence through small wins, which will also build credibility and enhance your reputation. Becoming more aware of how you sabotage your self-worth is the biggest step to overcoming a self-confidence issue. In the meantime, “fake it until you become it.”

Speak in Your Own Voice – As a woman, you don’t need to sound like men. We need to develop our own voice and point of view.

• Some women speak in a tone and manner that dis-empowers their message. They sound young and inexperienced with a soft, high-pitched voice. One 36-year-old smart and capable woman we coached literally sounded like a 15-year-old girl. And she had no awareness that this was impacting her credibility. Record your voice and videotape presentations. See and hear how you come across to your audience.
• Watch the language you use. Get rid of the “I’m so sorry…” Pay attention to how many times you apologize and ask yourself whether an apology is really necessary, or if it’s a bad habit you need to break.
• Eliminate the doubt when delivering a message. Instead of starting off with, “Maybe we can try it this way…” shift to, “I recommend this approach.” You will notice that your words have more impact!
• Practice, practice and more practice. Not in your head, but out loud. Practice in the mirror and ask for feedback from people you trust. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

Your Physical Presence – This encompasses how you hold yourself and how you feel in your body.

• When standing, check your posture. Bring your shoulders back and hold your head high. Imagine the top of your head being pulled up to the sky, elongating your spine.
• When sitting, take up space. If you’ve been invited to the table, you belong there. Don’t wrap yourself in a ball with hunched shoulders, crossed arms and legs. Put both feet on the floor, open your chest. This allows your breath to flow more fully and your voice to sound more confident.
• When meeting someone, look them directly in the eye. This conveys self-assurance.

Executive presence for women, and for men for that matter, boils down to being confident in your actions, communicating effectively with others, and displaying your belief in yourself physically and emotionally.

And, as the study mentioned above suggests, these principles can be applied equally to people of both genders with insecure attachment tendencies – and are not exclusive to women in leadership roles.

Would you like to learn more about executive presence in women, executive presence training, and executive leadership coaching? Let’s chat. Click here to schedule your FREE Discovery Call.