Your attachment style is directly related to the way you respond to situations and relationships and go a long way toward determining your behavior and coaching leadership style; what is currently known as the “behavioral system”. In short, behavioral systems organize a specific type of behavior and they work together (or against each other) in guiding human behavior.

In general, behavioral systems form strong neural pathways in our brain, creating certain programs which guide our choices, activation, and termination of certain behavioral sequences. They serve a specific function, such as: forming a bond, creating social contacts, or providing care to a person in need. One of the fundamental behavioral systems is the attachment system, an innate system that is built in us, humans, so we can have survival and reproductive success.

Needless to say, the two systems interact and feed into each other, leading to emotional responses and behaviors that are largely unconscious and which derive from and reinforce your attachment style.

When I coach individuals in their leadership style, I work to help them understand their own attachment style. Doing so helps them to increase their level of emotional intelligence; their ability to understand themselves and others on an emotional level, which leads to increased comprehension of motivation and behaviors – their own and others.

You see, as an adult, your attachment style impacts your self-regard, your relationships with others, the way you perceive other people, and the way you process emotions, especially in the times of stress. The important thing to understand is that attachment styles can change, they are NOT defined exclusively by your childhood experiences (although your childhood experience play an important role in forming your attachment style).

Thanks to a great deal of research that has been done in his area, we now know that the adult attachment style also depends on genetics, on adult experience in relationships, and on some other factors.

This is the reason that coaching leadership style is effective, since nothing about human behavior is written in stone and because attachment style is malleable; that is, it can be changed. Working on this will make you more empathetic to the needs of those on your team and greatly enhance your ability to lead others.

As a way to help you understand this, let’s look at a case study.

Attachment Style Case Study in Leadership Coaching

In this case study, Laura is a mid-level manager in a medium sized corporation. Receiving criticism during a meeting by members of the board, she may respond in a variety of ways, largely dictated by whether she is working from a secure or insecure attachment style.

The progression of Laura’s behaviors is dependent on her attachment style; whether she becomes anxious and distressed, seeking support from her boss as an attachment figure, or whether she responds from a place of confidence and security in her own abilities.

Let’s say Laura’s attachment system has been activated by a perceived threat – the negative feedback she gets from the board. She then goes to seek the support of an “attachment figure” (her boss), and instead of encouragement she gets more criticism.

• Insecure anxious attachment style – If you are working from a place of insecure anxious attachment, and if someone you turn to for support is unavailable or unwilling to help, you go into the distress mode. As a result, you shut down, lose your ability to access creative problem solving, and get stuck in the pessimistic rumination cycle.

Further, you start to perceive the slightest cues that other people will not notice as a threat, you start to overreact, become overly sensitive, and respond emotionally to situations where there is actually no, or little, threat. You begin to develop and reinforce certain ideas of how people are, of whether or not you can trust them and rely on them.

• Secure attachment style – However, if you your behaviors are guided by a secure attachment style, you are aware of your needs in relationships, are aware that other people have feelings as well, and you are mindful of them.

You can tolerate separation and negotiate about your own needs assertively; manage any anxiety related to relationships and find different ways of fulfilling your needs if the “attachment figure” is not available during times of stress. You are able to integrate the difficult experiences relatively quickly, learn from them and move into the phase of taking effective action steps. (Ref: Adult Attachment: A Concise Introduction to Theory and Research, Gillath, Omri)

In this case, my approach to leadership coaching with Laura would be to help her identify her own attachment style, build awareness around the attachment system activation, create specific steps she can take to bring the attachment system back to balance and provide a framework to enhance the security of her attachment.

I can help you work to improve emotional intelligence, understand your attachment style, and improve both the personal and professional relationships in your life. Click here to schedule your FREE Discovery Call.