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Compassionate Leadership Tips – Are You Too Nice to Be a Good Leader?

This may seem like something of a non-starter in this age of coaching for heart-centered leadership, transformational leadership, and compassionate leadership. And yet, human nature being what it is, “being nice” is not generally considered a high-value skill for a good leader to possess.

Buzzwords aside, the question some ask is: Can leading with compassion be perceived as “soft”; that is, you’re too weak to be a good leader?compassionate leadership

It should go without saying that the ability to display true compassion is rarely a bad thing. As we’ve written before, and in this context, compassionate leadership does not involve literally “suffering with another”. Rather, it encompasses empathy, kindness, and understanding for others, thereby creating a safe environment where people can thrive, keeping eyes on the target, and ensuring everyone is accountable, including yourself.

Compassionate leaders are able to attend to the emotional needs of other people because they connect empathetically with them. By doing this, they provide benevolent acknowledgment of another’s struggles, which creates high levels of motivation and trust for people – not to mention increased loyalty and greater influence for positive results.

Yes, Sometimes You Can Be Too Nice

Having said all of that though, it’s interesting to take note of some “expert” opinions on the perils and pitfalls of nice leadership:

  • When Being Nice Backfires – Forbes contributor Nicole Lipman makes the claim that one’s definition of what it means to be nice will determine whether it can backfire on you.

“Being an empathetic, sensitive person who cares about their employees is one thing,” she writes. “Being afraid of letting someone go who is under-performing or ill-suited for a position (as one example) is where ‘nice’ and ‘leadership’ should part ways.”

“Simply put, when the concept of ‘nice’ is overemphasized in a workplace [by avoiding direct confrontation for example], seeing things as they are and telling people the truth becomes 100X harder… I’m not advocating for anyone to be cruel or disrespectful. But if ‘too nice’ is what defines your leadership, you need to give yourself a quick reality check before things get really bad (for you as well as your team).”

And, no matter how nice you are in your role as a leader, there will be times when no one on your team likes you!

Say wut? (Yeah, sorry about that. Being always liked by everyone is not a realistic goal. Focus on creating both empowerment and safe context for your team instead.) ☹

Then again, being cruel, harsh or indifferent to the plight of others does not define the characteristics of a good leader either. In other words, a drill instructor mentality has no place in a contemporary business or organization.

How and When Niceness Becomes Weakness

And, while there is no reason to simply assume that a nice boss is a weak boss, perception matters and compassion can be mistaken for a lack of assertiveness and/or confidence.

How and when can this happen?

  1. Lack of accountability – When compassionate leaders do not hold people accountable, the team suffers. When people don’t complete their work and instead present a story with outstanding circumstances (not one time but consistently), they avoid difficult conversation because they fear confrontation and do not create strong working boundaries. As a result, their teams do not perform. If this is the case, they need to work on assertiveness skills and learn how to give constructive feedback when needed.
  2. Overly protective – At times, an “overly” compassionate leader/manager can jump in and save the day – thus depriving their teams of learning opportunities. On top of that, they overexert themselves and burn out because of this trait, living and working as they must in a constant “firefighting” mode. They need to work with their anxiety and train patience to prevent this from happening.
  3. Losing site of the goal – “Nice” leaders may forget that they are the keepers of the context in their organisation; the goal setter who is ultimately THE responsible person for hitting their target. They need to constantly model the team’s values and channel them through everyday conversations, encouragement, and guidance.

Employing compassion as a leadership skill requires a delicate balance of staying authentic and having great rapport with the team, yet at the same time keeping one’s eyes on the prize. Doing this requires holding people accountable, instead of trying to be everyone’s friend.

A cautionary note

Being authentic does not mean simply saying whatever comes to your mind whenever you feel like it. Rather, authenticity involves being true to yourself at all times, without having to “blame” or “shame” others just to feel good about yourself. That’s why confidence and competence go hand in hand.

Heart-centered leaders have a strong competitive advantage in the emerging reality. Once they start to believe in themselves, develop assertiveness and increase their visibility – they are unstoppable and truly shine. If you are striving to employ a compassionate leadership style but would like personal guidance in achieving that goal: Click here to find out how and to schedule your free call.