How to Cope With a Toxic Workplace (Especially if you can’t leave right away)
It’s unfortunate that the very qualities that can make you an effective leader also make you vulnerable to the emotional turmoil found in a toxic work environment. In other words, as a heart-centered, compassionate leader your ability to empathize with others, that is, to understand their emotional needs, puts you at increased risk of being overwhelmed as you try to cope with a toxic workplace.
In this week’s video, I share three signs you can use to identify a toxic work environment. I also offer coping tips and strategies to help you feel empowered, regain your self-respect, and find your motivation.
The most common method for coping with a toxic work environment is to ignore the turmoil and get on with your work and life. For anyone who feels their livelihood would be put at risk if they tried to effect change, this is understandable. However, if you find yourself in such a place, you must ask, “Is it really worth it?”
The toll you pay every day is high.
What Does a Toxic Environment Look Like?
When you’re in a toxic workplace, it impacts you in many ways; all of them negative.
Whether the toxicity is accepted, tolerated, or generated by management, it eats at your self-respect and your sense of self-regard. As resentment and anxiety build within you, they weigh heavily on your health and well-being.
The most dangerous characteristic of a toxic workplace, however, is that it doesn’t make an immediate impact. This makes it tough to identify. Instead, it sneaks up on you. Like all toxic relationships, it starts pretty normal, even exciting. As time rolls on though, the persistent and insidious nature of your workplace makes you sense that something’s not right.
Still, doubt creeps in and you question your own perception and judgment, which allows you to rationalize staying. This is despite the uneasy feelings you’re experiencing.
The more you tolerate it, the deeper you sink into these harmful relationships. For many compassionate and heart-centered leaders, it seems easier to stay and try to cope. It seems impossible to move on before the real damage is done. Instead, they stay for months, even years, ending up in a really dark and scary place of low self-regard, heartbreak, and mental and emotional exhaustion.
3 Toxic Characteristics to Identify
Recovery from a toxic workplace experience takes time but, the sooner you identify the characteristics that can make a workplace toxic, the better off you’ll be.
- Microaggression – Microaggression includes all subtle and conspicuous instances of rudeness, dismissiveness, arrogance, and disrespect regarding your race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or other aspects of your identity. Unfortunately, it still plagues the corporate world and won’t stop unless more people speak up.
Because it can be so subtle, microaggression can be difficult to recognize. Often, it hides behind “innocent” jokes and, although you don’t think it’s funny, it’s hard to address the issue at hand, especially if everyone else is laughing. “Don’t you have a sense of humor?” they ask. Mocking someone’s accent, repeatedly asking “Where are you from?” based on someone’s ethnicity, deliberately mispronouncing your name – all of these subtle instances of a toxic culture of microaggression accumulate and, eventually, permeate the workplace.
- Non-apology apologies – Challenging conversations can happen even in the healthiest workplaces. What’s the fallout? If someone was rude in the heat of the moment and it’s an exception and not the rule, do they apologize?
A sincere apology includes the following:
- Recognition of the inappropriate behavior.
- Taking responsibility for the behavior. They must use “I” instead of generalistic language, like mistakes were made.
- Recognition of the impact that behavior had on you.
- Asking for forgiveness. This can be expressed in the simple phrase, “Please forgive me”.
- Intent to repair the relationship – what are the next steps and new commitment?
“I’m sorry you feel this way,” isn’t an apology, it’s a fauxpology! “I’m sorry you feel hurt.” “I’m sorry you’re upset.” “I’m sorry you don’t understand my sense of humor.” None of these are sincere and they all belong there; as nothing but a non-apology apology!
These phrases lack empathy and communication skills. Don’t mistake it for an apology. If you hear it too often, ask yourself, “How long am I willing to tolerate this and what needs to happen for me to start making other choices? What’s the first step to feeling empowered instead of inadequate or undervalued?”
- Gaslighting – There are many ways gaslighting can manifest, but one of the most disturbing is telling a lie about what happened. Or, there is the more skillful form, “I remember it differently.”
When someone is gaslighting, you end up questioning your judgement, yourself, your identity, and, at times, your sanity.
Remember, you don’t have to justify or prove yourself. If you’re being gaslit, you’ll see it in the other person’s consistent, repetitive behavior that triggers a strong reaction. Pay attention! Be aware of the tactics of persistent gaslighting as a form of protection.
Above all, don’t dismiss your emotional reaction, and don’t start questioning yourself. When you’re triggered, end the conversation immediately. Disengage. Simply state, “I see that we do remember things differently. I’m not interested in continuing this conversation at the moment.”
Take time to regroup, think things through, and come up with a plan.
If you’re still trying to figure out how to cope with a toxic workplace, let’s talk!
If you’re in a leadership position and know that you need help with and support in the coping and transition process, I invite you to connect and book a free 1:1 Discovery call with me. You don’t have to do it alone – allow yourself to get support during the transition phase!
How do you know that it’s time to make a transition? Post in the comments below – or feel free to connect with me by scheduling a no-strings-attached call.
