Here are some of the most destructive, dream-killing 4 Big Lies a lot of heart-centered leaders have been told about staying empowered and achieving their dreams. Do these sound familiar, that all you have to do is?

• Big Lie #1: Work harder
• Big Lie #2: Be patient
• Big Lie #3: Build confidence
• Big Lie #4: Work on self-improvement

We’ll delve a bit deeper into each of these 4 Big Lies about getting the results you want out of life momentarily, but first, a question or three:

Do you already sense the lie in each of these points? Has your intuition and empathetic nature kicked in to tell you these are lies? Does your heightened sense of emotional intelligence make you shake your head and say to yourself, “No way!”?

4 Big Lies vs 4 Bigger Truths

So, back to our list of Big Lies, each of which will be followed by a Bigger Truth that will explain why it’s a lie and how to overcome it.

• Big Lie #1: Just keep working hard and the results you want will follow.
• Bigger Truth #1: The world is full of people who keep working and working harder to KEEP what they have. They stay in survival mode, and no growth can happen there.

Here is what happens when heart-centered leaders buy into this lie. The more they get promoted or grow their business, the more pressure they put on themselves. “I have been promoted – now I have to prove that I’m worthy of this title/responsibility/trust/compensation, etc.” The harder they push themselves, the more anxious stressed and exhausted they become and the harder it becomes for them to perform.

Of course, once they start underperforming, they begin to beat themselves up. This perceived underachievement eats away at their self-regard. This leads to self-doubt, which leads to more anxiety. And this leads to more underperformance. Instead of working harder, empathic leaders need to focus on… strategic thinking (slow thinking and doing the deep work) to get necessary resources to get things done; creative problem solving (instead of staying stuck in certain thinking and emotional patterns for days); accurate reality testing (see things as they are and make decisions based on relevant data, instead of living in the firefighting mode and wearing rose-colored glasses).

• Big Lie #2: All good things will come to those who wait. Just be patient.
• Bigger Truth #2: Well, just how much waiting are you willing to do? And, most importantly, who gave you a guarantee that you have this much time? (Could you refer me to that agency – I would love to get a time guarantee too!)

If you live by the “let’s wait some more and be patient” motto, I suggest opening your calendar and choosing the date until you are willing to wait. In reality, things come to those who wait AT TIMES. Yes, there are instances when waiting for some time is reasonable, but only when you define “some time” by creating a deadline.

Most heart-centered leaders, however, are overdue on COMMITTED AND INSPIRED action. The Universe will not bring success and happiness (however you define it for yourself) to you. (It is truly indifferent to you and your needs.) You need to claim them and nominate yourself for your AWARD.

When in doubt, check in with your goals and vision. Results don’t lie. Are you getting the results you want by waiting? Great. Keep doing that. No need to change what’s working. But – if you’re NOT getting those results – it’s time to get on the “nominate yourself” train, stop waiting, and start doing! And have FUN with it in the process.

• Big Lie #3: Believing in yourself is the answer! You need to be more confident, and the results will follow.
• Bigger Truth #3: This is one of the biggest lies in the personal growth and development industry, and it made billions of dollars for the people who were selling it for decades. Affirmations and trying to change “bad thoughts” you have about yourself are the tools of the self-confidence industry. They have been debunked multiple times due to a very simple fact… They do not work!

Research shows that when someone is feeling down and is trying to apply affirmations like “I am confident”, “I am worthy”, “I deserve more” etc., all it really does is make them feel less confident, less worthy, and less deserving.

Time and space limit me from explaining the psychology of why this is true. But, you can try it yourself and see what happens.

Here’s a little example from my life: I remember trying affirmations so hard and not getting any results when I was younger. But, because it is such a widespread misconception (and because I know how to be an overgiver VERY well), I never challenged the validity of the “affirmations cure”. The idea never even entered my mind. Instead, I thought something was wrong with me, and I was doing something wrong with affirmations (like I could mess up pronouncing three words in a row). Funny to write about it now, not so much fun when I was going through it!

• Big Lie #4: OK, if not confidence, then… Let’s dig deeper and find what else we need to work on! Keep working on yourself – the results will follow.
• Bigger Truth #4: Have you, like so many millions, embarked on the never-ending quest of self-improvement? What are you REALLY looking for? Of course, personal growth is an excellent and rewarding goal. That is IF it comes from a place of “I am enough”.

There is a difference between growth based on a well-balanced self-regard and overanalyzing yourself from the position of “What is wrong with me?” The latter looks like binge consuming of various “self-help” theories and tools that fail to fill a void or answer your biggest questions. While you may end up “knowing” a lot about yourself, there is little or no practical application of all that knowledge into your daily life.

Your new results will come from two ingredients: Your new inner landscape (your mindset and emotional mastery) AND committed and inspired actions based on a winning strategy. One without the other will not work. The right proportion depends on your unique situation, but for most people, the 80/20 principle applies.

Next Steps

Working on self-actualization and emotional intelligence will enhance self-awareness, along with a need to create new results in the key domains of your life. All it takes is adopting a new set of rules and a new map that eventually gives you the freedom to take back your life… Or to do any number of other things in life you may have been putting off.

Is doing this scary? It can be. Then again, working with a leadership coach who is intimately familiar with the pitfalls and pratfalls of the OGHW (Overgiver’s Hamster Wheel) mindset along with being overly empathetic can be incredibly helpful.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I just described a former version of myself. Been there. Done that. Never going back. However, I can help guide you toward the light (if you will), and help you find a new, more rewarding path.

To get started on your transformation and move away from the 4 Big Lies… Feel free to contact me for answers.